Monday Musings

Today is Monday, May 4, 2020 and it is also my birthday. As I sit here and count my blessings, I reflect on my life and all its ups and downs. The month of May has always been a roller coaster of highs and lows. In the month of May, I celebrate not only my birthday, but "May the Fourth be With You" (or celebration of Star Wars), Cinco de Mayo, Teacher Appreciation week, Mother's Day, end of year concerts, trips and awards. The month of May is also full of sadness - Memorial Day weekend is the time my mother and step-father were killed. The month of May also means the end of the school year, which is a happy time, but also a sad time as I have to say goodbye to some wonderful eighth graders that have dug themselves into my heart. I know that I will see them in high school, but it's not the same. 

This year is especially strange as those end of year celebrations have been altered due to the coronavirus. If I had known that the day before Spring Break would be the last time I'd see my students this year, I would have taken more pictures and had more fun with the students. If I knew there was not going to be UIL, the MCC Highlands Band Festival, Spring Concert, Beginning Band Solo & Ensemble Contest, Post-UIL contests and trips, the end of year band awards ceremony, the scale club ice cream sundae party and more, maybe I would have been a little nicer and less stressed. Maybe I would have just enjoyed my time with my students more and allowed more time to just be a little social.

I'm lucky in that I am insolation in a roomy house with a loving husband and sweet dog, all my instruments, food, toilet paper (lol), running hot water, a working A/C, YouTube TV, Netflix, Disney+, WiFi and the ability to connect virtually with others. However, I still feel sad today knowing I can't call my mom and wish HER a happy birthday. Her birthday is in June, but I used to call her every year and wish her a happy birthday on my birthday because she is the one who went through pregnancy and labor to bring me into existence. One year, I even brought her a dozen roses on my birthday. And this Sunday is Mother's Day - another day of sadness for me. Again, my mom is not around anymore and this holiday is a reminder that I am not a mother. Everyone always tells me that I am - a mother to the many students I teach and have taught over the years, but it is not the same. I will put on a smile though and try not to be sad - try not to feel guilty for feeling sad. I will make it through this month of May and will continue to count my blessings.